Tuesday, September 14, 2010

journey of the soul or journey of the mind?

When my "escape" journey started I had a different idea for my project. Initially the journey I had in mind was exclusively a journey of the soul and my aim was to collect some stories and experiences to highlight the huge difference between life in the city and life in the country. It was a concept that I was trying to develop inside my head and it was fascinating to me simply because as a city girl and mother of three I knew that life in the city had become extremely stressful and very intense. It can literally drive you insane at times! And having experienced moments of depression and "insanity" myself I knew how difficult it is to bounce back and regain control of your life. The pressure women like me are under every single day is the same pressure that dictates us how to act and where to go - basically tells us how to run our lives. Unfortunately in "our world" we are not allowed to stop and take a deep breath, because we constantly need to perform at the highest level in all occasions and in all aspects of life. The strength we need to achieve that impossible dream is beyond ourselves and the price we pay for it is extremely high. On the other end the country sounded like a better choice to me and even though I had absolutely no idea what life was really like in the country areas, the idea of a more relaxed and healthier environment really appealed to me. At the end of the day, mine was just a great desire to slow down my rhythm and bring some much needed relief to my life. So while I tormented myself with the thought of how wonderful it would be to start a new life in the country I also started to ask myself if perhaps what I needed more than anything else was to get in touch with my inner self and really try and understand what I wanted to achieve and where I wanted to go. So that is how the other "escape" project came about and how my mind started to then follow a different path and a new direction. Perhaps my change of direction was due to the fact that I now felt stronger and I was slowly regaining control of my dreams.
My "escape" journey was now becoming a journey of the mind. I was back! But I realised then that, that is what us women and mothers do, we put ourselves on the sideline for the sake of our partners and our kids, we work hard to make everyone happy and comfortable all the time but somewhere along the way we loose sight of our dreams until the day we realise that not all is lost and that after all we are still in charge of our own lives.
For me it was perhaps my old dream of being a writer that started the whole process again, and being inspirational to people is probably one of the other reasons! The word inspirational itself though brings all sorts of great and scary things to mind! Oh well, it was never going to be easy- and that is one thing I am pretty sure of!

Monday, September 13, 2010

escape the everyday

The rain is so refreshing! there's something so incredibly satisfying about the sound of the raindrops falling on the ground and the landscape around. I don' know what it is exactly but it just makes me feel good. It's very soothing for my thoughts and my soul...and it's liberating. It magically releases the stress accumulated over time and helps me refocusing on my objectives and regain the kind of confidence I need to take on my daily challenges. Speaking of challenges, they surely never stop coming at you and sometimes I wonder if I should just step aside and be a witness to my very own (daily challenges, weekly challenges, monthly challenges) instead of taking the leading role and all the headaches that come with it. Is it possible though? Is it possible to live life like a play and learn my lines bit by bit, day after day, pausing and listening to myself and to the ones around me... the ones I love, the ones I hate, the ones I would love to delete forever, the ones that come and go... It should be easy and not necessary to create a peaceful setting, a shelter for ourselves and our loved ones, perhaps a bit of a dream and a bit of reality... it doesn't matter... as long as it feels right and it's filled with what makes life enjoyable and fun. Laughter, joy, serenity...a book, a play, a DVD, music, food, drinks, sand, snow, sky, water, friends...list goes on forever... And there you have it, the perfect state of mind in the perfect hideaway, far away from phones, computers, annoying ring tones and extremely annoying human beings! What's the price for it all? The price? Incredibly that price would be nil as in zero and zero only! What part am I missing here? Where's my mind taking me? If there's a place I can get to whenever I want, where I can relax, dance, cry, do whatever I want and it doesn't cost me anything to get there...then what is the catch? And what am I still doing here? Am I that dumb not to realise that life is just what we want it to be and that the daily routine, the torture that we put ourselves trough each day is just our way of trying to impress other people. Yes other people, not ourselves. In reality I'm already here, in my hideaway place even if my mind doesn't know it and it plays tricks on me, interesting tricks...what a journey I have ahead of me.